Today a moment of panic set in. We've been wanting this for 81 days, and now I am kind of freaking out. We got moved to Baby Steps. Brynn is no longer one of the tiny tiny babies. She's within a few weeks of coming home. Oh my goodness. It's very strange. I feel like I have lived a hundred lifetimes in the Medical Center of Plano NICU. Yet today, it seems so soon. I cannot get over the shock. I thought I would be thrilled. Instead, I am petrified. Even today while we are sitting on "the big kid side" trying to finish a bottle she bradyed twice and stopped breathing several other times. Ugh.
So I came home and for some reason, the first thing on my mind was, "I don't know how to work her car seat!" So I promptly opened the box, read the manual, played with it, and as a reward to myself, I hooked her little toy doll to the handle. It's not as if she's coming home in it tomorrow, or even this week. I started thinking about the things I needed to put in her diaper bag. I can't believe that I have been a Mom for almost 12 weeks and I have a beautiful diaper bag from a friend, with the tags still attached. I am not sure that a new Mom has ever been more excited to carry a diaper bag than I am right now. Yay!
I am starting to get a little bit sad. all of my NICU friends are still there for a while. In a perfect world we'd all take our tiny tots home on the same day, and reunite the next week for playdates. Probably even our favorite doctors and nurses would show up. Unfortunately this is not a perfect world. I foresee many tears in the future. Who would have ever thought that I would be sad to bring my baby home from the hospital? But after almost 12 weeks there, it almost feels more like home than my house does.
So... Hooray for Baby Steps. Kind of.